My office has a nice array of people. Men, women, old, young. As a newly fit guy, it’s important for me to market myself by walking around semi-frequently. I don’t thirstily parade myself in front of coworkers all day. But I often thirstily take the scenic route to get where I’m going.
My greatest early transformation moment happened last October on my 43rd birthday. By then I was six weeks into putting on more muscle. I had the day off, but stopped in to grab something at my desk. I came from the gym and wore a tight T-shirt and shorts, along with a covid mask and hat.
There’s a long corridor at the center of our office. I was strolling down it toward my desk and Lynx was coming at me from the opposite end. It took her an extra few seconds to recognize me. When she did I got one of the best birthday presents of my life.
“Oh, hi. I was thinking, who is that?”
She reflexively blurted out this resounding approval of my fledgling muscular physique. Women don’t hide arousal. They may not act on it the same way, but they don’t hide it.
I like Lynx. A lot. The things I’d do to her… Yet, she didn’t respond to my interest in her. She responded to my chasing excellence (by becoming a physically improved version of my self).
End of flashback.
I have a real job. I can’t waste time wandering the halls for hours on end. But after getting some shine from her, I’m hungry for more (from others too). And for the chance to work on my social game.
My unspoken crush, whom I foolishly complimented yesterday. “I like your boots.” The line wasn’t foolish, but I didn’t think of the cocky finish until later. “Too bad they don’t look as good as mine.” I was wearing sandals at the time, prior to putting on my dress shoes. Mistake. Who was in charge? Her.
Today, she passed by thirty feet in front of me. When she looked to her right and saw me, she momentarily stopped, then kept going. Sounds like nothing to you. Sounds like a reflex to me. An approval reflex. Who was in charge? Me.
I hate talking to this woman. Yet I love the things we don’t say to each other.
Another mild crush. A thicck mom with fabulous huge mom breasts. I used to see her all the time. Not as much anymore. I caught her this morning on my way back to my desk. She was walking toward me down a long hall. Under her arm was the biggest water bottle I’ve ever seen.
With decisive body language, I blocked her path. Thanks to my command presence and calm energy, she gladly stopped.
“Okay, before going any further, we have to get this sorted out” I said, motioning to her water bottle. “What is that?”
“Oh. My water bottle. I drink a lot of water. It’s a full gallon.”
“I do too, but boy, this thing is impressive. Do you really finish off that whole thing in one day?”
A compliant laugh. The interaction was brief. All she had to do was trust me to lead the conversation. She was willing to be teased. I finished on a compliment because the bottle matched her sweater. In-and-out, cocky, funny, and quick.
Spatial dynamics play a role. I was coming her way from the front, with several feet for her to identify me. I’ve now had enough experience with bad angles to recognize this is the most ideal when you can get it.
A woman wants to be surprised, even shocked, that you approach her, but not startled. If she has time to see you squaring up to engage with her, her nervous system escalates to the ideal zone: heightened anxiety but not triggered into a fight-or-flight. Even a split-second trigger can kill an approach (I’ve learned the hard way).
In recent weeks, I’ve had a lingering moment or two with her. Those ephemeral pauses between words in fleeting conversations that she may not even notice. Subtle signals of approval. They softly invite me to play a little. I knew I picked my moment well.
My tease campaign worked because I used the space decisively, and remained in control of the conversation from start to finish. I created a miniature event tailored specifically for her entertainment and participation. 1. I will calmly block your path. 2. I will tease you. 3. I will make it short, give you a compliment and send you on your way (she had a full gallon of water under her arm, I knew her cooperation had a short shelf life).