2022.01.26. Swayze

There’s a young colt I see at the gym a lot. Probably 20. She has a compact athletic body with sexy-muscular legs. It is her asset, and she works on it a lot. She’s very pretty. Though she looks like Patrick Swayze. I can’t look at her face without seeing Dalton running the Double Deuce.

She a quiet and oblivious vibe. It’s a stretch to say she looks unapproachable, but she does look intimidating. She’s sexy. And she wears outfits to make her athletic curves pop. If I went to school with her, I’d be terrified of her.

For my social anxiety project, I figured to introduce myself at some point. With very young girls, I’m not in a hurry only because I still have a little of the “what if she thinks I’m hitting on her” anxiety. Also, with hot, unapproachable girls, there’s a layer of social logistics.

To breach a shy exterior, you already need to have the right angle because she won’t make natural eye contact. Further, you have to read the environment well. If she has friends with her, can you manage the curiosity of a random gym introduction? During the workout, either you or she will be focused and possibly fatigued. Also, you have to be fully committed mentally for an introduction because her reserved nature means you’ll be doing all the leading.

This melts away if they just ask an innocent question.

“Are you using this?” She asked me about a grip attachment for the weight machine. It was near my foot. I was not using it, nor did it look like I might. This was a victory on a few levels.

Approachability. There are several attachments like the one she wanted all over the gym. She could have walked ten feet to find another one (or waited two minutes for me to leave). Yet she bothered to ask. Approachability is not the same as arousal or attraction. But it’s related. A young woman would never ask a question to a creep or an unattractive guy if she didn’t have to. At all times they must be prepared for a sexually interested reply to even the most utilitarian question, most of which are unwanted.[FN.] She felt some level of comfort that I wouldn’t give her an unwanted reply.

[FN. For example: a man intimidated by her attractiveness will show it an make her nervous even if he just politely answers with a “no”. Or worse, a lascivious look.]

Boundary check. She validated my strength by testing my boundary. Though she knew I wasn’t using the grip, she asked because she instinctively wanted my permission. Had I been Tub-of-Shit Nixon, she would not have asked. She would have grabbed it without acknowledging me. This is not arrogance, it’s instinct. A strong man’s body is a boundary. I noticed this as my physique improved. People give me the polite are you using this? now that I look and act strong.

Rule of thumb. Women disregard the boundaries of men they know they don’t want to fuck. This is a tell that you’ve been ruled out (though not necessarily ruled in).

Naturally I exploited the opportunity for selfish purposes.

“No, go ahead. But I have a goal. [pause] I’m learning everyone’s name around here. I see you all the time, I’m Nixon.” Calm energy. Didn’t move an inch from my position.

“Of course. I’m Swayze. Nice to meet you. Your name will be easy to remember because it’s the same as my brother’s.” She didn’t expect me to have anything to say. It made her nervous in a very good way. We exchanged a few nice words, and that was it.

A digression on attraction and interest.

My physique in January 2020 was 205 pounds of lumpy, bratwurst-looking appendages. The transformation to January 2022 is borderline shocking. I’m muscular. I still see the areas I want to improve, but to the outside observer, I look like a different person. And now I look like a person whose boundaries must be respected (even if I am not thinking about them).

Girls like Swayze have no idea the psychological hell that I’ve been pulling myself out of. To the eternal frustration of losers (like I used to be), a woman is programmed to think men only exist when she’s ready to approve of them, or not at all.[FN.] For younger women, this is overwhelmingly from physicality.

[FN. Even worse, she is programmed to not care, at all, about your problems, or mine. It has been one of my most critical moral tests to teach myself to not despise women for this.]

I achieved existence in the eyes of a hot young girl. That sounds dumb considering I’ve actually slept with some very attractive women (over 30). This is a different kind of validation. It’s marginal validation, but meaningful because it comes from an attractive woman at apex attractiveness. It’s like when you report to a middle manager, but the CEO says “nice work.” It’s nice to fuck middle managers. But it’s a different kind of nice when the vagina in the corner office gives you a thumbs up.

I’m getting used to existence.[FN.] It’s a refreshing. When I worshiped women, they didn’t think I existed. Now that it matters less that I get it, it has meaning when I get it. Doesn’t it mean I still worship women? No. Why? Women don’t acknowledge men who worship them.

[FN. At some point, I hope increasing my sexual value to women will reach a point where it only minimally corrupts my relationship with God. As a frustrated shame-filled beta, I could not separate the two.]

Baggage.

There’s a benefit to women being oblivious to a low value man. If she didn’t even know you existed, she has no memory of you being a loser. So you don’t have to work hard to convince her you’re now a winner. She assumes you are based on your appearance, body language, and demeanor. In addition, women who knew you as a low value man (but weren’t interested in you) are eager to forget that part of your history as soon as your behavior demonstrates winner-congruency. Even better, if they see the transformation, they more impressed because you’ve overcome something.[FN.]

[FN. Though I’m told that if she’s been in a relationship with you as a loser, she will distrust you turning yourself into a winner.]

A respectable physicality for a man is his first form of self-prioritization and his first high value signal. Unless my remaining low-value impulses are screaming at her (though nervousness, bad body language, self-negation, etc.), she will only read that there’s an attractive man in her presence. And respond accordingly. In recovery terms, your body can buy your mind some breathing room to overcome its beta baggage.

You’ll need it. There will be a lag between attaining a high-value physique and a high-value mindset. But the physique takes the burden off my mindset to win every little frame battle. The stronger my body gets, the more I get the benefit of the doubt if my actions are incongruent.[FN.] Of course, a strong physique will not overcome persistent low-value actions. So improve on both. What a world we live in. All I had to do to be physically acknowledged by women was work my ass off in the gym for several months (and get a little more disciplined with my diet).

[FN. Generally better body language, non-reactive demeanor, and reduced self-negation come with more strength. But most of us need to pay special attention to these areas as they don’t automatically improve on their own.]

Logarithmic validation.

This validation is quasi-logarithmic. When my physique improves, it’s not just for one woman. When I go from 0 to 1 in my physique, the number of women who notice goes from 0 to a handful. As I go from 1 to n, the validation goes from a handful to several.[FN.] It will top out. Obviously if there were zero diminishing returns, men would never stop pumping iron.

[FN. Height maxxers (both male and female) consider “six feet” an impermeable barrier that muscle can’t overcome. That’s true for a fraction of people. It’s not a reason to abandon the effort.]

Swayze is not inherently interested in me. But she has let me behind the velvet rope where existence means minimal arousal. All of the looks or little respectful actions I receive from women are the equivalent of them saying, “oh, there’s an attractive man.”

I have to earn my way from there to “there’s an attractive man, and I’m interested in him.” I did that a little by imposing on Swayze to tell me her name. I’ll keep improving my body. But my mindset (through interaction) will be a bigger separator, I think.

I don’t do it for her. I do it for me. As always, women are not our assignments. They check our work.