2022.01. Sidebar. Dude Opens & Self-Doubt.
I open dudes too. I open everyone that it makes sense to open. My goal is to fuck. And I’ve concluded that befriending other men, even it’s just to know their name, advances this goal because there is something to learn, or some anxiety to conquer.
A jogger at the gym. Shows up, makes eye contact with nobody, runs his miles and leaves. Recently I approached him and told him I wanted to know his name. Tristan. Now when he sees me, he gives me a good loud Nixon. I literally only asked him what his name was. He sincerely appreciated it. This doesn’t count as charisma, but it counts for something.
A grumpy bald guy who lifts a couple days a week. Permanent scowl. Nobody says a word to him. Approached him too. Surprised him a little, but now he gives me a Nixon too. Neither of us pretend to be friends, but in dude world, there’s mutual respect.
There are plenty of other guys I now know the names of. I don’t greet all of them all the time. I’m not running for mayor… yet. But I see several benefits.
First, when it comes to sex, nice guys tend to focus on a singular realistic option to the exclusion of everything else. They show zero deference to the rest of their social environment. They ignore the wider social community surrounding that vagina.
I doubt alpha players do this because it is the opposite of an abundance mindset. It’s a scarcity mindset which says, invest in one opportunity and ignore everything else (including the character flaw that created the scarcity).
Despite being a failed strategy, it occasionally works for a diligent guy. When it does, it confirms a huge wishful belief for the nice guy: I don’t have to change who I am, I just fucked.
A nice guy doesn’t want to change anything about himself to get laid. When I was a nice guy, I wanted to be Old Nixon + Female; the guy I already was, who lived an insular loner life, but with a woman willing to step inside that life.
I didn’t even like being left alone that much. But I was far more comfortable not taking the risk of getting to know people. I assumed befriending people would mean a shit load of relationship upkeep.
New Nixon wants to puke at this logical implication: what if I find out these people have inherent value, I’ll have to treat them with respect and attention.
I’ve become an “open” machine with men and women. Dating back to December 2021, I’ve already introduced myself to over 100 people. Strangers and acquaintances. Despite that, I still keep to myself 93% as much as I used to. But now I’m not a guy with a default setting of “leave me alone unless you’re attractive and available.”
I carry the burden of being a legitimate member of my community of gym goers, churchgoers, and coworkers. And looking for more communities. It’s a manageable burden. But until I get a better cheat code, this burden is necessary for acquiring more sexual value on my way to apex fuckability.
Second, a lot of guys are intimidating. I’ve approached some guys that are kind of scary. It helps get over the same anxiety that a woman will trigger.
Third, if I end up attracting female attention from within these communities, one of the first things they’ll vet is my social hygiene. If she becomes attracted to me, she’ll observe me in my environment.
If she sees other guys treating me like a peer, it will increase my social proof score and confirm for her that I’m not just a poon sniper.
Hypothesis. Guys view sex in isolation (woman’s body is all that matters). Women view sex in community (man’s body matters, but so does his relationship to his environment). Thus, men must show women how they navigate the environment from which they select him. Women don’t have this burden.
Loner nice guy does no more than lurk unnoticed in the background of this environment. A woman will notice a guy who gives attention to hot girls. But if this is all he does (and they don’t quite reciprocate), he’ll wish he had befriended a few dudes.
Fourth, all healthy relationships have compound interest. I’ve re-engineered my norms a ton. I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve yet to have a guy invite me to fuck his sister. But I’ve made decent connections. And people like me when I make the effort to show them brief attention and acknowledgement.
It took very little effort. It takes very little effort. The hardest part was getting over the self-doubt that comes with trying to view myself as the type of guy capable of great social skills.
* * *
Old Nixon desperately wanted the ability to approach attractive women. But it felt so fake (“I want to be this, but every attempt at becoming this makes me feel like a fraud”). The godsend has been finding ways to let Old Nixon get used to New Nixon slowly, as opposed to having the identity shock of a quick transition to the finished product.
Old Nixon. Keeps to himself, view (ogles) women from a distance, says nothing.
Shift One Nixon. Keeps to himself but says good morning to the few people he sees every day.
Shift Two Nixon. Keeps to himself, but learns their names.
Shift Three Nixon. Keeps to himself, but starts to make a game of learning the names of more than just the most narrow group of acquaintances. And can approach anyone who he “sort of knows.”
Shift Four Nixon. Keeps to himself, but will even go have the same level of fun with strangers, including very attractive women.
Old Nixon only had to get used to Shift One Nixon. Shift One only had to get used to Shift Two. And so on.
I’m still afraid on a lot of approaches. I still occasionally feel like a politician when I insist on introducing myself to strangers and repeatedly engaging people in social interactions. But I see that for the psychological malware it is, putting up a fight on behalf of an old self image. It will continue to have victories here and there. This is the most worthwhile fight of my life. So I’ll keep on fighting.