Met her at a bar around Thanksgiving. Chatted off and on. Intrigued. I was game-clueless on anything beyond don’t act needy, give decent body language, etc. Extreme beginner notes.
She was divorcing a “jerk” and was obsessed with another guy who tripped her trigger but had been withholding attention from her. This other guy’s push-pull was working. Push-pull has always been intuitive, even to no-game guys. But scarcity mindset precludes a nice guys from ever pulling. She wore a Justin Timberlake T-shirt. She loves him ironically and unironically.
Another alpha dominated conversation with her, despite having his girlfriend there. I was a friend of a friend of a friend at a reunion party (and out of my game depth), so I just tried to play it cool. Tried to stay adroitly on sexual topics and made sure to not to pay too much attention to her.
She was in her emotions. I was a smidge of an emotional tampon. Just a smidge. Snagged her Facebook contact. I did nothing with it for a few weeks.
First texts were to check in on her Christmas. Friendly reply. Banter.
Then I demanded she give me a restaurant recommendation for her part of town, but not to ask her out. She played along. I thanked her. She asked another casual question. I didn’t respond.
Texted a week later. Didn’t answer her question, but some post-Christmas banter. Told her I couldn’t hang out with her on new year’s. We never made plans. A nice tease. She played along.
I again dropped the conversation abruptly.
On a Friday afternoon, I spontaneously texted give me your new year’s resolution.
She answered with a dig at the ex and a HBU. She’s a fast responder.
I answered a few hours later. Made her wait. Now it’s Friday evening.
Me. Working on social skills. It’s an adventure.
Her. That’s good [within a few minutes]
(90 minutes later, now Friday night)
Her. Life is an adventure.
[a double text, and with a suggestion; time to trade quickly]
Me. Said a woman who needs one badly.
Her. Lololo Yes!!!
Me. Then let’s go girl.
Her. Where then? Lol.
Me. We can meet for a drink to start.
Me. Do you know [bar]?
Her. Yes, I’ve been there once. It’s nice.
Me. Meet me there
Her. Not tonight, I have my daughter.
Me. When she go to bed?
Me. Meet me there at 11. We aren’t going to be gone all night. I have things to do in the morning.
Her. Lol. She is 4. I can’t leave her. Maybe another time.
Me. You know where to find me.
For an hour I struggled to fall back asleep and came close to sending another text. Very close. Way too close. But I didn’t.
[end of exchange]
Made mistakes, but did some things right. Didn’t expect her to seize on adventure. Filing that way. Could have done a better job of pitching the come-join-me theme. Should have told her I was already out or had to cancel on a girl tonight so I had time for her. Something to indicate I wasn’t hanging on her decision. Will get there.
Women make rules for betas and break rules for alphas. In crunch time, she used her daughter as a rule. Perhaps not a firm one, but one she ultimately refused to break. This was not a mixed message: she was mildly tempted to meet up.
First, I have to take the L. But this isn’t over. I know her situation a little. She doesn’t have under 30 options. I’m more interested in the game than the girl. But I find her attractive and want to see her again.
Second, my best move was not sending another text after my final text. Had I tried tried to send a follow up text, I would have lost the frame completely. What started as a lure would have become full-on negotiation (with zero desire). It would not have mattered what I said, the act would have been extremely needy.
I got her on record wavering. More than I had when I met her. I was a non-option then.
Moving forward. Trying to turn this around is not worth my time. When I have more options, I won’t bother. But until I do, I may give it sporadic try.
This is a time-reset. Meaning it’s a no until her circumstances change such that she re-evaluates. For women over 35, this can happen quickly. But it happens irrespective of my input. If her options start to look worse, she may jump at a random text from me.
Having said that, I must withdraw for a month. She will not jump at an orbiter who suddenly texts her a lot. I’ll text infrequently enough to eliminate foster the impression I have options. The text will be at random, about something random, like her zodiac sign.